Wednesday, November 29, 2006

I'm A Celebrity...Get My T*ts Out Of Here!


“COCAINE BRIBES & SEX”

The front page of the Star promises much. Where other papers just have news and the odd Page 3 stunna, the Star offers the full multi-sensory experience.

Inside the paper, what promised so much is distilled into a picture of I’m A Celebrity... evictee Phina Oruche wearing a blue bikini and jumping into the air.

That’s the sex. What of the cocaine? “I think they were handing out cocaine to some of the stars, because all of a sudden people were laughing and running around doing head-stands,” says Phina. “Being a moral Christian I wouldn’t touch it. I don’t know what the others did, though.”

That’s moral Christians for you. (Perhaps this deep spirituality is why Phina speaks in tongues, switching between any number of accents in a single sentence.)

The show needs spice. And to solicit the contestants do entertain, Phina tells us that the producers offered them bribes.

“Every night they’d promise us a cookie or a chocolate brownie or a cup of coffee if we spilt the beans. They’d sat, ‘Tell us your carer highlights and we’ll give you a scone’.”

For some of the celebrities on the show getting a scone on I’m A Celebrity would be the standout career highlight.

So much for bribes and drugs. Let’s have another go at the sex. And read the Sun’s tale that Jan ‘Screaming’ Leeming will strip for Playboy if they offered her £250,000.

“My skin is not as taut as it used to be otherwise I would wear a bikini for the shoot,” she tells us.

No need. For a few pence Sun readers can see some tight skin in a bikini. It’s Myleene Klass and there are a further six page of the bikini with Myleene in it spread across the paper’s centre pages.

These are the “HIGH POINTS” of the show. “(That’s both of them...)”

Might it be that Myleene’s assets are the show’s true stars? And the cry will soon go out: “We’re The Celebrities...Get Us Out Of Here!”

For £250,000 ono...


Read the the UK's original ezine - www.anorak.co.uk

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